Once upon a time there was this guy called Mr. Pee. He peed every time he slept. He was 45 years old but still can’t go to the bathroom at night. So he wore a diaper. A fairy cured him with her magical powers, but she gave him a very unpleasant metabolism problem! That problem was that he could not walk. Now everybody had to carry him everywhere. He was surprised at first, but he didn’t care. He peed every minute everyday. Then, suddenly Mr. Pee’s pee was turning to the color gold! Since everyone had to carry him, he decided to bring along a 32-gig iPod touch loaded with horror movies that would help him pass the time on what he thought was a most comfortable stretcher. 56 kind people came to fix his peeing problem. One man said he would pay Mr. Pee handsomely if he didn't pee all night and day. Well, none of the people could cure him, so Mr. Pee decided to suicide himself... And he did…
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6 years ago
Well written (on the whole), Tina. Still, it's a bit limited: everything's about Mr. Pee's peeing problem. You need to change some of the words. Suicide, by the way, is a noun. So you'd say (for example): "He committed suicide." Alas, that's never a good way to end a story. It's too easy. Mr. P (not Pee)
ReplyDeleteCool story just kind of disturbing with all the dieing, peeing, and not walking with a metabolism problem. By the way, metabolism means.....ughghghg never mind.
ReplyDeleteThis is just using Mr. P's name. It is funny but I tink Mr. P is not gonna like it ^^
ReplyDeleteOne more comment, Tina. Please put 5 links in your story. You could link either nouns or adjectives. I suggest you revise your story and change a few words--not so many "pees" etc.--so that it'll be easier to create links. Mr. P
ReplyDeleteFour Cute links, Tina. Nice! Mr. P (not Pee)
ReplyDelete